The Rules to Zombie/Survival Horror

Welcome to another random segment for Solve Unamusemtn simply tagged as "Rules". From no on when the above banner is seen, you'll know exactly what to be expecting. These will not be similar to the Zombieland rules in that they don't apply to only zombies but to survival horror in general. Please note that these are not in any specific order. Now, let us begin.

Rule One: Pay Attention

Seems simple enough you would think, right? WRONG! How many movies have you seen when a man or woman has a moment where they "just weren't looking" when shit hits the fan? Pay attention to your surroundings, your teammates (if you have any) and your enemy. If video games have thought us anything it is to watch the life bar even in times of complete calm.

Rule Two: Don't Investigate

When your life is on the line, don't get curious about the sound you just heard or that funny man across the street. Just go the other way and smile about how smart you are. Really, who walks to the sounds of people butchering cats? Apparently people who want to die do that. Unless you are a cop or someone in the human medical field, stay away cause you wont be able to help and if you're lucky will only lose an arm.

Rule Three: Keep It in Your Pants

Sex means death and virgins are always saved for last. Plain and simple, don't have sex and your rate of survival skyrockets. If you dress like a nun but aren't actually a nun this helps as well. Just looking like you want it, have had it or think about it makes you an easy target. Dress proper and keep your privets private on all counts. Once things are over, have at it. Repopulate the earth! But, really, wait until things are actually over.

Rule Four: If Religious, Keep it to Yourself

The second or third last to die in every film is the guy or girl quoting revelations. Pray all you want, you deserve to pray in a situation like this, but of all the times right now isn't the best to be trying to recruit people to your faith. The people who survive will want to be saved TRUST ME. There really isn't a need to push the issue right now.

Rule Five: Groups of 4, no More.

The bigger your group the more of a target you are. Remember how lions hunt, they like to section off the weakest one and pick if off. Having more than one "weak one" within the pride is going to lower everyone's chances of survival so best to keep the total number down. It is also easier to manage only a few people.

Also note in groups the minority aspect. If you are the only person in your group with one type of look, you're doomed. Think of it like a neon flashing light that says "Me first".

Rule Six: Avoid the Stupid... Unless They Have Big Guns

The first person to say something stupid is the first person to do something stupid. Avoid him/her because they will do that stupid thing eventually resulting in them and anyone nearby being dead.

However there is a clause to this rule in that if the stupid have big/powerful guns, you should be their best friend. Remember they will do something stupid and if you are their friend, you'll be given their weapon. Just remember to keep your distance when they start shooting and you'll be golden.

Rule Seven: Hygiene Is For The Dead

Don't worry about how you smell or if your hair looks nice cause the person/monster/whatever trying to kill you will eat you insides no matter what the outsides look like. Wipe your butt later, or on the go... no need to be tidy either just toss it in the grass as you run. Lucky you even had the chance to take that dump. Now hurry up and don't get greedy!

There is a clause to this rule as well. Any wounds need to be cleaned ASAP. Nothing worse than gangrene offing you when the killer/monster/zombie just missed.

Rule Eight: Your Collage Degree Means Very Little

The "smart guy" only comes in handy when the generator breaks down or when he was the cause of ground Zero. Otherwise you listen to the marine, the hunter or the commie hunting bigot. You might hate yourself for it now but you'll be alive later. Don't discredit the smart guy, just ignore his bitching until he has something to actually contribute.

Rule Nine: Survival of the Fittest

DO NOT... EVER... EVER GO BACK! If you got away and your girlfriend didn't, screw her and move on. You'll find someone else once things die- er... settle down. Saving her only adds more weight on you and slows the entire group. Leave her for dead you sentimental idiot!

Finally...

Rule Ten: Hide or Hunt

You have two strategic options when it comes to survival horror and that is you hide until it is over (these people show up at the end of the film standing on a roof waving down helicopters the hero party just called) or hunt. Hunt the enemy, hunt for an exit, hunt for food... whatever. You becoming a moving party of nomads. Those are your two and only options. Anyone that thinks otherwise is also very dead.

Clause: Hiders need to find REALLY GOOD hiding spots, otherwise they become a dead hider. Hunters need to be well organized otherwise they... well you get the point.

To Top

Second Thursday Line Up

Some time ago there came a Thursday line up made special for the readers of Solve Unamusement. Now, this very Thursday the post is being hosted on, it returns with a fury.

Out of the two, Burn Notice stayed on this watchers radar but Royal Pains slowly slipped itself into an issue or two. The main problem, here, was that the concept of having a doctor in an area running interesting plot lines was cool (or whatever) the fact that "people broke around the guy" just didn't fit. Imagine a show about a firefighter who doesn't work at a fire station, happening across things that happening to be caught on fire and this happening every week or two. That just doesn't make a lot of sense, nor does people randomly getting sick in a public restaurant just because someone in the place has a medical license.

Ignoring that very abrupt and painful plot hole and you've got yourself an interesting show, to say the least. However what grabbed this watchers attention was one promo and a marathon last Sunday of season one.

Would You Like To Know More?

BlogNews & Life is Good

Greetings and salutations blog readers! Today is the day that has been over due. A day of updates that are Solve Unamusement and not just one of the many listed amusements.

Notes:

• Frequency: First thing that is notable is the number of amusements per week that are scheduled. Daily for almost a year was a bit of a strain over the last month and I've literally got nothing but time. However as it is now, several posts can be written for the coarse of a month when the privy to blog takes me and no one is the wiser. The irrelevant pic still gets randomly changed whenever the mood suits me.
• Episodic Content: Main "Keyword-Tags" which offer a sub amusement and extra bit of fun for at least the blog writer.
  
  • Childhood Memories: A very new (as in it was created and tossed at already marked posts) bit of Solve Unamusement from the childhood of you writer. These are things that held a gleam during the Elementary years of school or are things heavily involved in what made me who is me.
  • Loony Tunes: Self explanatory but this is every Loony Tune cartoon that has been listed on Solve Unamusement
  • Quickie: Short posts that provide something quick. Usually a video and less than a paragraph of text. There is no- "Would You Like to Know More?"
  • aniBOOM: Similar in context to Loony Tunes. This (and Loony Tunes) is not a a new label.
  • Science Fiction: A little something special as it is an uncommon (yet powerful) topic for Solve Unamusement. However this could end up being only vague or even eventually removed depending on how well I enjoy it.
  • Zombie: A very fun segment! Zombies! Expect another Zombie post (Dudel's Guide to Zombie/Survival Horror) in a few days.
  • Rampage: Another personal favorite! Songs that one might not always think annoying but are. Songs that get stuck in your head and torment you for days on end. Don't be a coward, check to see which ones they are.
  • Willy Wonka: A special place here on Solve Unamusement for Wonka and his antics. Expect another post about Oompa 1 vs Oompa 2 in the coming days/weeks
• Quality: Due to posting being less frequent and more blogging only happening when 100% "in the mood" this raises the general quality and fullness of posts. However Quickies are intended to simply be something quick and painless on all parties parts so nothing extra will be involved there.
• Backloggery: Not directly related to Solve Unamusement however games being played will eventually listed provided they "struck that cored" and are worth being mentioned to others. Any Solve Unamusement readers with a Backloggery already should send me a "Hello" as well. A game list is at the very bottom of the page and is updated through Backloggery.
• Title Formatting: Thanks to the integration of blog feed with twitter, it allows for interesting results. However #hashtags are created very specifically so it takes working in order to not clutter the 140 characters. Meaning Titles get odd groupings like (BlockNews) so that with the keyword-tag being made a hashtag it happens correctly via twitter.

With that we have all the "needs" of this Blog update out of the way and now there shall be something extra fun to see in the coming of days. "The coming of days"? It'll be biblical I tells ya!

Would You Like To Know More?

Mighty Mom & Dyno Dad!

~Timmy is just an average kid, that no one understands. Mom & Dad & Vicky always giving him commands.~

The start of the Nickelodeon television show Fairly Oddparents that a good many of you better know. Why better you know? Well because if you're a regular reader and recognized shows like The Loony Tunes, Rocko's Modern Life and more recently Evil Con Carne then The Fairly Oddparents is on your list of cartoons you like to watch even "at your age".

Let us follow that up with first a quick intro to the show and then one of the cartoons.

Would You Like To Know More?

Gummy Bear Rampage

Gummy Bears! Who doesn't just love those tasty little gummy tasty, things? Gummy bears are so awesome that they come in diabetic versions cause not even the people who could die from gummy bears could ever REALLY stay way from those fun little creatures.

What other candy can you play with like you're five and people go "Oh, he's just eating Gummy Bears"? I think very few. Could you stack Buegles at work and not get "the look"? I think not! But you could play gummy bear science experiment and end up having people join you at your table, provided you shared raw specimens and not the ones you fused together.

~SIDE STOP:
Upon a quick Google search for gummy bear images there has been a shocking discovery. Gummy bears are "legally forbidden by Islamic law." Why? Because they are made with pork fat/gelatin. However I am sure one could find gummy bears that didn't have pork fat/gelatin. They'd be very expensive, though.

Curtosy of S. Weasel

"Gummy bears are a pork product! Yes, it’s true! The Germanians render pigs into sweeties! That’s where the distinctive gumminess comes from. I hate the damn things, myself, but now that I know the act of eating them is haram…"

Haram @ Wikipedia

That's an interesting side-note, don't you think? But back to the topic at hand, the gummy bear and what it means to Solve Unamusement.

Would You Like To Know More?

Bogeyman Continued

The post from yesterday, yesterday for you but only a couple of moments for me, about the magic that is "The Bogeyman" was brought on by a movie with an aptly named title. Think really horribly-awesome grade-z film with a dash of really bad CG at the very end of it.

Bogeyman and Bogeyman Two are, to say the least, comical if not by accident. Then again, most horror films are somehow accidentally comical in one manner or another. Out of the two, the second is most fun but only because it is ground more on reality than some Scottish Fairy turned Swartzenager.

For both films movie trailers, see below.

Would You Like To Know More?

They're Gonna Make It!

Who?

Why Ugly Overload, of course.

See here that the admin of Ugly Overload has decided to take on more writers and continue his blog with help so that a great internet landmark doesn't die due to disrepair.

To Top

Boogie Man Gets a Bad Rap

We have all heard of him and we have all seen him in some form or another. There is the typical but not unsatisfying Monster in the closet with his flesh eating behaviors and general bad mood. There is the "normal" Boogie Man and after those is the more common random-dude-breaking-into-your-house.

Wikipedia Says:

The bogeyman (also spelled boogyman, bogyman, boogieman, boogey monster) is a legendary ghost-like monster. The bogeyman has no specific appearance and conceptions of the monster can vary drastically even from household to household within the same community; in many cases, he simply has no set appearance in the mind of a child, but is just an amorphous embodiment of terror.

But lets see what Solve Unamusement says.

Would You Like To Know More?

Ugly Overload Needs Your Help

Fellow bloggers and blog readers, I bit you a quick look at Ugly Overload (once again) before it forever perishes under the weight of its own awesome.

Okay, that was a bit much but in all honesty it is time that people take up the reins and make sure this blog of Ugly MONSTERS doesn't die a a drastic death. The blogs creator has decided to focus on his writing and novel and, as such, some things take a side seat. However there is hope! Anyone with lots of Ugly creature photos (especially nature photographers) and an understanding of Wikipedia should see if they might be able to help things out.

Ugly Overload Needs You!

To Top

Yellow Submarine

The talks of yellow snow and Frank Zappa had another random thought toss itself into this brain of mine. What about The Beatles? What about them? Well they liked the yellow, too! Yellow Submarine, that is. Oh yes, clever transition for us all. What we'll do, though, is hit two birds with one Beatles stone. A stone that is both movie and music in a quick toss around.

Like anyone in my age group, something from the 60s didn't happen across my board by anyone other than my Mother. The second or third CD I ever was to own was the soundtrack to a movie I had never seen. Not even knowing it was a soundtrack! In fact it was YEARS before the movie Yellow Submarine came across my television thanks to the magic of DVD.

Would You Like To Know More?

Zappa for Eleven

Eleven minutes of Frank Zappa telling an extended story about an ingesting Eskimo and a bunch of very random things. Think Weird Al minus the pop-culture references and with more SOUL, if you would. This is actually several different songs from the album of Apostrophe (').

Frank Zappa

To Top

Redirection of The Philharmonic

Redirecting from an old post to inform anyone who cares that the Lou Diamond Philharmonic has apparently changed locations.

Now Bran, who creates the music under his fake label of Lou Diamond Philharmonic, has merged his odd images and his music into one uber site. Sadly the site is a bit flash driven so if you've a crappy PC or low bandwidth you should probably avoid it.

The positives is that he has all his songs playable on-site. They are in a specific order, equal the order they appear in his four "Demo-albums" which are available for download. His only video for Black Albino is also on-site but as I am redirecting, that will be provided here.

Would You Like To Know More?

More Morrowind Music

Remember yesterday's post? You don't? Well then you are SOL and I can't help you. Anyway, for today we look at an 8-Bit remake of yesterday's Morrowind theme song, quick like.

8-Bit Morrowind Theme

You WISH your NES was that sexy!

To Top

Morrowind Music

The Elder Scrolls games (Images in link may be broken.) are a popular among western RPG enthusiasts but what catches me within most games and settings is the visual appeal and music.

Now older games get passes for their visual or music quality but a lot of 8 and 16-bit games are actually rather beautiful. Anyone who has played Chrono Trigger or seen the ending to Links Awakening DX could tell you that graphic quality isn't dependent on hardware capabilities. Heck, even now the Elder Scrolls III: Morriwnd graphics are looked at as bad. In fact they were bad, with horrible wall glitches and even details of the player character that didn't fit (like Argonian tails magically splitting through pants, etc). But let us look at something that hasn't dated, in the slightest, Morrowind's music.

Would You Like To Know More?

The Novella

While it has been a few dance since the last blog post, that is not due to Blogger forgetfulness. Laziness, maybe, but not forgetfulness. There is also that the last blog post Oil Spill Charity deserved a bit more time on the "front page". This post is simply to tell my twenty something in total readers, that I am pretending to write a book.

Now I say "pretending" simply because others write with the intention to publish or accomplish something beyond the scope of the book itself. However such is not the case here. The book is being written just to say, "It has been written."

As of writing this post Novella, the name for this book which literally means "short novel", has seven of its fifteen to twenty chapters. It is a small book, no more than twenty chapters is in the idea but will probably stop more along the lines of fourteen or fifteen. If you are curious a link has been provided, however if you are not a member of deviantART you may not be able to few most of the chapters due to "content warnings".

The Novella or Novella

Clearly it is still a "working title". We shall see if the thing even prograsses in any amount of time. With projects, and me, sometimes things simply get put aside for more fun and amusing... amusements like Persona 3 or the more recent Dragon Quest VIII. My PS2 is magic!

To Top