Eleven minutes of Frank Zappa telling an extended story about an ingesting Eskimo and a bunch of very random things. Think Weird Al minus the pop-culture references and with more SOUL, if you would. This is actually several different songs from the album of Apostrophe (').
Frank Zappa
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joke. Show all posts
You Fool!
Who of you watches "Hollywood Squares" on TV? Me either (at least not anymore), but a friend of mine directed me to a funny bit which happened to have happened on life television. At least it is implied to be live TV but I highly doubt that.
Hollywood Squares is basically two people going up against each other in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe where they win either Xs or Os, depending which booth they happen to be sitting in, by agreeing with or disagreeing with celebrities who answer questions. Most of these questions seem like something you'd see on that newer show "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" which makes this bundle of fail, very amusing.
Hollywood Squares is basically two people going up against each other in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe where they win either Xs or Os, depending which booth they happen to be sitting in, by agreeing with or disagreeing with celebrities who answer questions. Most of these questions seem like something you'd see on that newer show "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" which makes this bundle of fail, very amusing.
Lego Prank Call
Some of you have seen this and others have not but due to watching television and having a day out while forgetting to schedule a post for later, this post is being done quickly and quietly. Don't mind the run-on sentence.
Lego Man Prank Call
"I got claws for hands."
"I got claws for hands."
Don't Fear The Reaper
Back to what we were originally talking about, there isn't a need to fear the The Reaper. Death, the actual act of dying you might still want to fear but the deity that governs it you'll be over. See, once you realize that death is nothing but a big dork/dweeb he's not that scary.
When you think about it, he (assuming The Reaper even has a sex) has been bested by: children, a garage band, Peter Griffin and the French. Now you might get three of those examples (especially considering the content linked to them) in context but the last is probably lost to you, so let us fix this.
Internet Argumentation
The internet is a place to argue and look like a jackass or an asshole respectively. It all comes down to a few standard behaviors and understandings. When "debating" about religion, politics or even how your favorite site has "to many noobs", it all boils down to a few simple arguments.
What arguments? Well you live under a rock, it seems. However, if you insist, I'll help you out with an interesting comic that was directed toward me not to long ago.
What arguments? Well you live under a rock, it seems. However, if you insist, I'll help you out with an interesting comic that was directed toward me not to long ago.
Half Life 2 Randomness
There is this thing about the internet. You see, it is filled with random stuff and sometimes that stuff is really good but usually that is not the case. Once in awhile you get something that is both really good and not so much, at the same time. This is a true oddity among the internet noise that is, well, the internet noise.
Take one part Garry's Mod with two parts random and one part of armature Robot Chicken and you've got yourself a good idea of what to expect from the rest of this post, or at least the suggested amusements.
Take one part Garry's Mod with two parts random and one part of armature Robot Chicken and you've got yourself a good idea of what to expect from the rest of this post, or at least the suggested amusements.
You Have To Burn The Rope (Flash Game)
Defeat the Grinning Colossus in order to win the game and save the whole wide world with your awesome! Do not worry, this is a fear for any who truly wish to try their hand at such and there will, forever, be your name written on a plaque for how awesome you were for this epic of all awesomeness.
Fear how awesome anyone must be in order to play and beat this one-of-a-kind flash game.
Fear how awesome anyone must be in order to play and beat this one-of-a-kind flash game.
Jim Gaffigan (Comedian)
Jokes about your typical comedian things from religion to his own life, Jim also tends to have odd food related type of jokes. Off the wall and generally "odd", Jim Gaffigan has a quirky humor to him. Not a lot of people know him and the people who do usually tend to find him funnier than most.
His tone is rather dry and his voices aren't that much better than someone in elementary school mimicking his teacher or mother.
The real tick with Jim is the fact that he just goes for it. He's so low on the comedic food chain that the chance of him bothering people (As he says "Middle Road Comic") is so low he simply goes for those offending type of jokes.
His tone is rather dry and his voices aren't that much better than someone in elementary school mimicking his teacher or mother.
The real tick with Jim is the fact that he just goes for it. He's so low on the comedic food chain that the chance of him bothering people (As he says "Middle Road Comic") is so low he simply goes for those offending type of jokes.
Got Any Grapes?
One of my favorite jokes, ever! This was "brought to life" by a Monday Artday artist who posts regularly. If you wish to see his version (individual post)you should check it out on his blog at josh pincus is crying (blog itself).
And now an apology. Yesterday your writer for Solve Unamusement slept the whole day away after being up for something around 28+ hours. Out of 200+ posts, that's not bad to only miss one on accident. Then again, maybe as it was this blogger's B-day, a break was taken. Take your pick of excuses, it matters not which.
This duck walks into a bar one afternoon about 4:30. The duck hops up onto one of the bar stools and asks the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender looks at him oddly and replies "Nope!" So the duck hops down and waddles away.
Next day the duck waddles into the bar at 4:30 again and hops up onto the same bar stool and asks the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender looks at him once again and replies "No! Now go away!!" So the duck hops down and waddles away.
The same thing happens at the same time every day for the next week or so. And once again the duck waddles into the bar at 4:30 and hops up onto that very same bar stool and asks the bartender "Ya got any grapes?" The bartender looks at him once again and replies yelling "No! I DON'T have any grapes and if you ask me that again I'll nail your head to the bar!!!"
The very next day the duck waddles into the bar at 4:30 again and hops up onto the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender screams in anguish, "NOOOO!"
The duck replies "Got any grapes?"
And now an apology. Yesterday your writer for Solve Unamusement slept the whole day away after being up for something around 28+ hours. Out of 200+ posts, that's not bad to only miss one on accident. Then again, maybe as it was this blogger's B-day, a break was taken. Take your pick of excuses, it matters not which.
A Bank Robery
A bank robbery that Sesame Street would be very proud of. I do hope those at Solve Unamusement can read and don't just listen to the sparkly green boxes with the arrows on them.
Click For Enlarged Image
Jack Frost
Wikipedia Says:
Disney ETC Says:
Jack Frost
Dudel Says:
Solve Unamusement does not support Jack Frost or cold weather. It is an evil thing, perhaps even a demon, and even the likes of southern states results in low unpleasant temperatures because of them.
In English folklore, Jack Frost appears as an elfish creature who personifies crisp, cold, winter weather; a variant of Father Winter (also known as "Old Man Winter"). Some believe this representation originated in Germanic folklore specifically in the Anglo-Saxon and Norse winter customs.
Tradition holds Jack Frost responsible for leaving frosty crystal patterns on windows on cold mornings (window frost or fern frost).
Disney ETC Says:
Dudel Says:
Solve Unamusement does not support Jack Frost or cold weather. It is an evil thing, perhaps even a demon, and even the likes of southern states results in low unpleasant temperatures because of them.
Christmas Eve
I'm sorry, you were expecting something?
Just because I don't actively celebrate doesn't mean I want to sit here and drop obligatory Christmas stuff. Solve Unamusement takes a holiday!
See everyone bright and early, sorta, on December 26th. If you don't believe me, that's your problem. I also hope readers can take a joke.
Just because I don't actively celebrate doesn't mean I want to sit here and drop obligatory Christmas stuff. Solve Unamusement takes a holiday!
See everyone bright and early, sorta, on December 26th. If you don't believe me, that's your problem. I also hope readers can take a joke.
Random One Liners
A Finnish friend of mind links me to an odd Finnish site which has some things that are either in English or don't have any words to them and are funny anyway.
Again, a good chunk of the site is in Finnish and it's a bit NSFW at times, but it could be a lot worse. I'd give credit to the original cartoonist but I can't seem to find/her. If anyone can/could, I would appreciate that.
Armstrong Holds A Joke, For Years
The joke of the day at Joke Warehouse claims this next bit of text to be a true story. True story or not, it's funny.
Neil Armstrong Secret Revealed
No, there was no checking of sources. This is a funny joke be it real or fake. I hope you enjoyed it's humor.
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he re-entered the lander, Neil made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.'
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay , Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
In 1938, When Neil was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in the neighbor's yard by their bedroom window.
His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.
As He Leaned Down To Pick Up The Ball, Young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky Shouting At Mr. Gorsky. "Sex, You Want Sex Now?! You'll Get Sex When The Kid Next Door Walks On The Moon!'
No, there was no checking of sources. This is a funny joke be it real or fake. I hope you enjoyed it's humor.
The Naughty Parrot
This has to be one of my favorite jokes. The first time I heard this was actually from my mother a long time ago and it was supposed to be a lesson. I seem to have forgotten that lesson, or the point of joke other then its punch line.
The Naughty Parrot
As with all jokes, this one has several renditions. One is having David, or whom ever you name, throw the bird in a closet and other places before the freezer. I have heard the birds language taken to the extreme, but this tends to ruin the humor. One of my favorite renditions of the joke, even though I had head it once already, was done in an extremely exaggerated manner. The person used props, like a stuff parrot and even a real fridge.
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, and anything else that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.
David, frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness."
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued,
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
As with all jokes, this one has several renditions. One is having David, or whom ever you name, throw the bird in a closet and other places before the freezer. I have heard the birds language taken to the extreme, but this tends to ruin the humor. One of my favorite renditions of the joke, even though I had head it once already, was done in an extremely exaggerated manner. The person used props, like a stuff parrot and even a real fridge.
Today, A Joke! (Magic Broom and Carrotsticks)
A joke based in WWI that is slightly making fun of the mentally ill, depending on the version, and gullibility of people.
I edited this a bit to read more like the one I originally heard but still the internet does not sell jokes well. It works much better when the spoke words of "Bangity" etc are said rather feverish and loud while the "Tankity" is said slow and deep. There was a quick, and fruitless, search for a possible video of a skit representing this joke but I failed to find one that didn't horribly suck. I feel this post may not be as successful as I originally hoped. Expect possible more in the future regardless as jokes still amuse.
Magic Broom and Carrotsticks
Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom
"This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die." Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out.
"Don't worry." said the man issuing them out. "I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot.
When the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said "Bangity bangity bang!" and the guy fell down dead. He did the same thing with the magic carrot, "Stabbity stabbity stab.".
Amazed at what was happening, he continued to fight. "Bangity bangity bang. Stabbity stabbity stab." Then, a guy came slowly up to Bob but he would not die. Bob tried to shoot, "Bangity banity bang," And stab him, "Stabbity stabity stab," but he wouldn't die. The last words poor Bob heard as he was being trampled were "Tankity tankity tank."
I edited this a bit to read more like the one I originally heard but still the internet does not sell jokes well. It works much better when the spoke words of "Bangity" etc are said rather feverish and loud while the "Tankity" is said slow and deep. There was a quick, and fruitless, search for a possible video of a skit representing this joke but I failed to find one that didn't horribly suck. I feel this post may not be as successful as I originally hoped. Expect possible more in the future regardless as jokes still amuse.
