Solve Unamusement: Rules to Z Sci-Fi

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The Dudel Journal

Rules to Z Sci-Fi

Alright folks, here it is that time again to know your rules and how to survive when shit hits the fan and there are very specific set of places. For here, we talk the very generalized group one might know as "Grade Z Science Fiction" which is mostly made-for-tv type of movies on the new SyFy channel or those shows that are only called "Movie" on the TV Guide.

So let us begin then, shall we?

Learn to Read

Signs are a very important role in the life of anyone trapped anywhere but special for those folks stuck in your typical grade Z Sci-Fi fiction. "Danger" & "Keep Out" are two very particular signs that should be read and listened to.

Know Safe Zones

Avoid the forest/jungle/swamp, anything with the word "old"... lets just let Scooby and Shaggy answer this one.

Shaggy: Hold on, Man. We don't go anywhere with 'scary', 'spooky', 'haunted', or 'forbidden' in the title.
Scooby Doo: Ror rydrocoronic.
Shaggy: Or hydrochloric, but that's for a whole different reason, man.

You should get the idea now on this rule. Pretty much common sense, really.

Scientist Welcome

Unlike The Rules of Zombie/Survival Horror the scientist type is a wanted add. See, the point of Z Sci-Fi is to actually beat your opponent, not just live through the disaster so you gotta know what you're fighting.

"The only good bug, is a dead bug."

That's great, but if you don't know how to kill the damn thing, you're S.O.L.

Don't Do Your Job

That's right! In Grade Z Science Fiction, the guy minding his own business doing the job he's been doing for 30 years gets offed first. Every time that guy is one of the first people to go and only because he's got three kids and a wife with no way to get money and as a consequence dies.

Don't Be The Town Drunk

You can't be this guy either. He dies first, usually, and the worst part is no one really asks to many questions. Well you should be the one to ask questions because you'll be one of the few people to live through this whole mess. However you shouldn't be paranoid cause that'll get you killed too.

Know Where Bert Lives

Bert is the name of the explosives and gun expert in my personal favorite Z Science Fiction film (which will be shared later) and as such all such people are named Bert for the purpose of this rule. This rule breaks down as "Know the guy who has the big guns and knows how to explode things." Much like a similar rule in Zombie Survival about weapons.

Keep It in Your Pants

Sex means death and virgins are always saved for last. Plain and simple, don't have sex and your rate of survival skyrockets. If you dress like a nun but aren't actually a nun this helps as well. Just looking like you want it, have had it or think about it makes you an easy target. Dress proper and keep your privets private on all counts. Once things are over, have at it. Repopulate the earth! But, really, wait until things are actually over.

Okay so that one is a direct copy-paste from the last set of rules. Shoot me for it! Either way, keep your junk in your drawers until things are over with.

And other than some other common sense, you'll do fine. Oh and watch out for anything with really sharp teeth or from outer space, bye!


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